Obituary of Donna Fleming

Fleming (nee: Lovell) Donna Jean December 17, 1941 To February 7, 2011 An amazing lady laid to rest. Donna passed away in her cherished home in the caring presence of her children, following a long battle with cancer. A memorial service was conducted from the Wild Rose Pavilion, Lloydminster, Saskatchewan, on Friday, February 11, 2011. The eulogy for Donna was given by her brother, Dale Lovell. Eulogy: Donna's family and some of her friends have put together some memories of Donna that we would like to share with you. Donna was born on December 17, 1941 in Marwayne, Alberta to Gladys and Tom Lovell. She spent her first few years in the old Lovell house on a hill just north of Onion Lake. When she was about five years old, her parents, and her younger brother and sister - Alan and Alice - moved to the St. Margaret District where she started school. It was - as many country schools still were at that time - a one-room school that had neither running water nor electricity and was heated by a wood stove. She remembered sharing a double desk with Johnny Marsh who was also in grade one. While living in the St. Margaret District she was given the first animal she could call her own by a neighbour - Ken Larson - a little old Shetland pony called Chippy. Later on, when the family moved back to a farm nearer Onion Lake, they took the pony along. Donna begged her dad to let her ride it to her new school. When he finally gave in she proudly rode the pony down to the village and tied him in the barn next to the village hall. Later that day at lunch time when she went out to feed him there was nothing there but a halter tied to the manger. The pony had returned to his original home. She never saw him again. Donna never forgot that pony. Those of you who knew her well will remember how fond she was of animals. Her younger brother Alan recalled how the two of them got a spanking for climbing a ladder up on the barn roof to try to rescue a cat she thought was in trouble. She couldn't have been any older than six years old at the time. If they did get it down, it would have been only the first of many animals that Donna rescued. As the oldest child, Donna started helping out around the farm at an early age. Carrying water and feed for the calves, going out in the pasture to look for the cows to bring them home for milking, and working in the garden. She used to like to tell her own kids about how hard she had to work when she was a kid. But you could tell she took a certain pride in what she had done. And although she liked to talk about how hard it had been, part of the enjoyment she got from telling about it was that Donna knew it hadn't all been bad. No doubt the experiences she had then growing up in that time and place on the family farm had a lot to do with the person Donna became. Yes the house was small and the family large. There was never much money and there was always work to do and you sometimes wore hand-me-downs from your better-off cousins. But it was a slower and simpler time. Your view of the world wasn't cluttered with things. It was easier to tell what was important. Like having food on the table and looking after your family. Sometimes - not often, but sometimes - it just came down to making the best of a bad situation. Soon Donna had two more younger sisters, Ann and Norma and another younger brother, Dale. Looking after us became another of her responsibilities. Her role as an older sister came natural to Donna and it didn't matter how old we got she always saw herself as our big sister and did what she could to look out for us. She finished grade eight in Onion Lake and after a year of taking correspondence courses she started high school in Kitscoty. After completing high school Donna moved to Lloydminster where she attended Reeves Business College and took a secretarial course. About this time, to save money, Donna moved in to an apartment with two other girls. Ruby Oster and Charlotte Langridge. The three of them became life-long friends. Ruby asked us to include this about Donna: "If there was an award for a good and loyal friend through good times (of which there were many), and bad times (which we also had), Donna would receive that award. She will remain in our memories forever. " With her secretarial diploma behind her Donna found work in several offices in Lloydminster including La Bar Construction, Eaton's, and CKSA. While attending a ball game with her sister Ann and Ann's boyfriend Jim Walsh, Donna met Henry Fleming, a young, heavy equipment operator, who was working hard trying to make a go of his own business. The first time Henry took Donna out, he took her with him when he went to fix one of his cats. She must have been impressed with his mechanical abilities because in 1970, Donna and Henry were married. At the time of their marriage Henry had three children from his first marriage: Ken, Carol and Kelly. So Donna's sisters and brothers were immediately blessed with two new nephews and a niece. It didn't take long before there were three more children, Terry, and the twins, Lisa and Linda. To accommodate his growing business and his growing family, Henry purchased a farm 12 miles south of Lloydminster where they built a new larger house. That house and farm became very important to Donna. Not only was it a place where she raised her family, it was a place where she could have a garden - a big garden. She always used to say. "It's too big, way too big." But every year it seemed to get a little bigger. In time her garden became an embarrassment of riches yielding pail after pail of raspberries, bushels of potatoes, corn and peas. It not only helped feed her family but other families as well. The last couple of years Donna had difficulty growing her beets to a mature harvest. Last summer a deer uprooted the entire row of small red roots. Though frustrated, Donna didn't seem to mind the damage done by the deer as much as she did the damage that was done by Claire and Renee the year before, when they tried to help with weeding and ended up weeding out all her beets. The deer had missed a few volunteer plants. These were carefully counted and guarded until they were mature. After giving those beets to Carol, Donna was later found by her sister Ann, carrying two large bags of beets out of the farmers' market. Not long after Donna and Henry had moved into their new house on the farm Donna gradually began acquiring pets. At first Henry wasn't really keen on having pets. A watch dog was probably okay, but cats and small dogs didn't hold much appeal for him. But stray animals seemed to find Donna as if they knew she was someone who would look after them. Henry used to say that it wasn't enough that the strays came to their house, but Donna would sometimes go out and find them - as she did with two abandoned dogs that were left at a neighbouring house. Donna's last dog, Mischief must have had some of that same compassion. Not only did she find a litter of half-starved kittens, but she also carried home a little fawn she found in the bush over to the house. Donna was always proud that Mischief hadn't hurt any of them. One of Donna nieces, Merla, remembered how Donna took Mischief to obedience training, but Donna said afterwards "she wasn't sure that it had worked." The rest of us could see why it might have been hard to tell. The house on the farm became important to the rest of the family too. It became the place where her brothers and sisters and their families would gather at Christmas, Easter, family reunions and sometimes just to get together. Donna's sister Alice remembers the time when they were living in Fort McMurray where her husband Blake had been transferred. Her youngest boy, Trevor, was just getting out of the hospital after a bout with pneumonia. They had been looking forward to getting together with their cousins at Donna and Henry's at Christmas time. When it was nearly time to leave, wouldn't you know it, her girls, Shannon and Shelli-Ann, came down with chicken pox. Reluctantly Alice decided that she would have to phone and tell Donna they weren't going to be able to come. Donna told her: "Oh, come anyway. My kids have to get chicken pox some time." And sure enough they did. Donna's door was always open for her family. There was always more than enough to eat and the meals were always delicious. She always said: "Oh, I didn't do much. Alan and Mary Lou brought the ham. Carol made the salad. Ann brought the dessert, and so on." Cleaning up was a challenge, because despite having several fridges and deep freezes, there was never enough room from leftovers. Donna never wanted to be without an ingredient and couldn't pass up a good deal at the grocery store. Ann and her family who lived the closest, probably saw Donna the most. Her girls, Shauna and Merla, remember the wonderful times out at Auntie Donna's going to birthday parties and swimming. Alan and Mary Lou came down from Prince Albert with their family often as well. Cheryl remembers how much fun it was staying there at Easter time and going out looking for Easter eggs Auntie Donna had hidden. When our mother and father got older and were getting to the age where they needed to slow down, she arranged for them to move down to their farm south of Lloydminster. They had their own house and Henry built a barn so our father would have some cows to look after. And Donna was always there to drive them to their doctor's appointments, or grocery shopping; to take our mother to get her hair done and all the other things that they needed to do. And she never complained about the extra work it meant for her and never made the rest of us feel that we should be doing more. As a family we were always grateful to Donna - and Henry - for all they did to make our parent's old age a happy one. With all the work that went with being a mother and farm wife, Donna still found time to take an interest in Henry's construction business - and give him advice - whether he wanted it or not. As time went on and Henry was able to leave more of the oil field construction work under the direction of his capable employees and with Cathy, always so reliable, looking after the office, Donna and Henry found that they could take some time off. They went to chuck wagon races where Bob Begg's team was running, crib tournaments in Frenchman's Butte and took an occasional trip to Las Vegas. But Donna was always happiest at home with her cats and dogs. Although she did say, after the kids left, that the house seemed awfully quiet. But by then she had reached the age where she had the satisfaction that comes with being a grandparent. First to arrive were Ken's two beautiful daughters Meghan and Erin. Followed not long after by Janelle, Renée, and Claire, with their many talents. And then as if someone flipped a switch it was all boys - Cole, with his big grin and Zack who seems to have inherited the energy of his grandfather. And finally Lukas, the latest grand child born on November the 4th of last year. In 2006 Donna was diagnosed with cancer. Almost from the beginning, she knew what the situation was. But she made the best of it. She took every treatment available to her. Last spring she lost Henry, her husband of forty years who had always been there to deal with every serious problem and make things work. With him gone there were probably times when she felt like giving up. But if you asked her she would always say, "Oh I'm doing okay." And there were still a few good laughs. Norma, Donna's youngest sister remembers when she went for a visit a couple months ago, Donna was feeling pretty good at the time. Ann came out, so they decided to have a beer. Norma asked Donna if that was a good idea. Donna said: "Oh, the doctor said a beer wouldn't hurt me.", but then with a little smile, she added: "But I guess he never said anything about having three." They all had a good laugh about that. The get-togethers at Donna's were always fun. Our Mom would often laugh so hard tears would roll down her face. We'll miss that. Donna had gone from a small house on a small farm to a bigger house on a bigger farm. She had, on the surface at least, a lot of the trappings of success. But in her heart she knew those things were surface things only. For both Donna and Henry their real accomplishment were the six children they raised on the farm - Ken, Carol, Kelly, Terry, Lisa and Linda. That was what mattered and that was what they cared about. The children were there when Donna needed them most. Henry would have been proud of that. Granddaughter, Janelle Clark, presented a collection of memories that represent Grandma's relationships with her Grandchildren. Erin had this to say about Grandma: "Growing up, I didn't get the chance to spend very much time with Grandma as I lived further away, but over the last year, I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to get to know her better. My best memory of her, and something I am going to keep with me forever, will be the last conversation we had this past Christmas. She had told me how proud she is of me for the person I have become. She was grateful that I found a career that I enjoy and was proud of how hard I worked to reach this point in my life. It meant the world to me to hear that she was proud of me. She was an incredibly strong woman and she will be greatly missed and forever loved." Claire fondly remembers pigging out on Grandma's fudge and marshmallow salad. Grandma made the best food. She also remembers her going to her dance recitals and was sad for Grandma when she wasn't well enough to come. Grandma was a very supportive person in my life. It didn't matter whether I had a band concert, church performance or music recital. She would make a point of attending. No matter what her plans were, it seemed she always made cheering me on a priority. I am thankful for the interest and effort she put into supporting me continually. It meant a lot to me and it is one of the memories of her that will never be forgotten. What stands out for Renee was how generous Grandma was. She states, "once when I came in the house she handed me twenty dollars. She said it was because she hadn't given me anything for a while." Rachelle, Donna's daughter-in-law, recalls how Grandma loved having her grandsons visit as often as possible. They also loved to visit her often, and quickly knew where to find her snacks and treats. Whenever she looked after the boys, they tended to indulge in more than one treat; Grandma was a tender heart when it came to her grandsons and couldn't really find it in her heart to tell them no. When Rachelle would pick the boys up, she often heard Grandma say "Well, I don't think they'll be very hungry for supper". She loved spending time with them whether it was in the garden eating fresh raspberries off the bush or drawing and coloring pictures. The boys will certainly miss having Grandma next door. Lisa remembers Grandma telling one of her doctors that she had to live to see Lukas born so she continued to fight. Despite feeling so weak during her last hospital stay, she was determined to hold Lukas on her knees and feed him a bottle. Even at the very end when Lisa brought Lukas into the bedroom to see Grandma, she opened her eyes and said "hi sweetheart". We, grandchildren, who are old enough, will have fond memories of Grandma, and our family will make sure that those who aren't old enough will know what a generous, caring and strong woman she was. Caring for their mother to the end, Donna Fleming's active pallbearers were her children: Linda Fleming, Lisa Fuoco, Terry Fleming, Kelly Fleming, Carol Neufeld, and Ken Fleming. Daughter, Lisa Fuoco, shared the following final tribute on their behalf. The young mother set her foot on the path of life. The young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, she fed them and bathed them and taught them how to tie their shoes and ride a bike and reminded them to feed the dog and do their homework and brush their teeth. The sun shone on them and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this." Then the nights came, and the storms, and the path was sometimes dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her arms, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come." And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children, "A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed and climbed. They learned to weather the storms. And with this, she gave them strength to face the world. Year after year, she showed them compassion, understanding, hope, but most of all unconditional love. And when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we could not have done it without you." The days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she became little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And the mother, when she lay down at night, looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned so much and are now passing these traits on to their children." And when the way became rough for her, they lifted her, and gave her their strength, just as she had given them hers. One day they came to a hill, and beyond the hill, they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said: "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk with dignity and pride, with their heads held high, and so can their children after them. And the children said, "You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence." Card of Thanks: Thank you to Reverend Bob Aldrich, bringing comfort through the word of God, Yvette Barnett and Irene Knowlson, caring for Donna's family and friends through music. Granddaughter, Renée Neufeld, accompanied by Michelle Andres, played a tribute to her Grandma. Thank you. To Glen, Joel and Dave McCaw, and the staff of McCaw Funeral Service, you were caring and helpful. All too soon we needed you to guide us through, again. From appointments, to treatments, to care and comfort, Donna was blessed with the expertise of Dr. Gerber, Dr. Chapelski, physicians and staff of the Cross Cancer Institute, and the nurses and staff of the Lloydminster Hospital. Please accept the sincere appreciation from Donna's family. Special thank you to Alberta Health Services, Home Care, and Carol Joy Bills. For the many kindnesses shown our family during this difficult year, we would like to thank family, friends and neighbours for their support. Also, thank you for the food, beautiful flower tributes, cards, visits, phone calls, and charitable donations. Your thoughtfulness and generosity are greatly appreciated. Linda Fleming, Lisa and Manny Fuoco and family, Terry and Rachelle Fleming and family, Kelly Fleming, Carol and Harvey Neufeld and family, and Ken Fleming and family. Donations in memory of Donna may be made to the S.P.C.A. or to a charity of the donors choice.