Obituary of Edna "Eddy" Hayes-Skene

Edna Gwendolene Gunderson – wow what a mouth full! She never liked that name so everyone knew her as Eddy. Which I think really suited her. Not too formal, not too complicated, just short and sweet – like she was.

 

Born September 30, 1928, there was no silver spoon in the whole house never mind in her mouth. Those early years were not easy. Her mother left when she was very young and Eddy never saw her again. She and her 2 young brothers were shifted around until her dad remarried and eventually 10 more brothers and sisters were added to the little farm house in Water Valley. She helped with the cows, chickens and brothers and sisters while attending school and learning to sew

 

While working as a seamstress at Lake Louise, she met a smooth talking bus driver named Bobby Hayes, and that started a 60+ year adventure with him. But even after being swept away, the hardships didn’t stop. One of her stories was about bitterly cold winter when they, with my older sisters still in diapers, lived in a sod shack in Yellowknife NWT with Dad trying to eke out a living as the local milk man ….. with a broken truck! Gail, her second daughter, says it was so cold in that shack that her tears froze to her face.

 

But slowly that slick talkin’ Bob Hayes proved he was able to provide a living for his family. They travelled and rock picked, and moved and flew and trucked and perforated, and bussed and enjoyed a full and rich life until The Lord took my Dad 10 years ago. Mom then stood by his side for the toughest hardship of her life – watching while my Dad ebbed away…

 

But. Eddy wasn’t done yet. In her twilight years, she embarked on 6 more years of old fashioned courtship and marriage to this handsome man sitting right here.

 

Many don’t get one good life, but Eddy got 2!!

 

But who really was this Edna Gwendolene?

 

Dancer – At the Kelowna service last week Glenn Skene, John’s son, spoke eloquently of Eddy and John spontaneously breaking out in dance – at the side of the road, in the kitchen, in the front room. On the dance floor she was a sight to see… graceful, following her partner in dance like she did in life.

 

A gifted seamstress, sewing many of Lloydminster’s prettiest wedding and graduation dresses,

 

Athlete – Eddy an athlete? Not in her earlier years but during the snowbird years she actually got pretty good at tennis, and then in her eighties – learning to swim… or maybe I should say Trying to learn to swim. I remember her finally realizing that to keep the water out of your nose, you have to exhale while under the water…

 

Political activist – again a well-kept secret. When a certain unnamed politician, OK his initials are Ralph Klein, started chopping aid to seniors, she got on her high horse and started organizing and writing letters … not sure it accomplished anything …. But the NDP are in power now?

 

Navigator – at my dad’s right hand – in the car, in the plane, on the bus, reading the maps telling him where to go and how to get there…. Kirby recalls one story about Dad driving North from Calgary and he got a speeding ticket (no surprise there!), and then another one! So in a huff the Navigator insisted on driving, only to get her own ticket a few miles on – we never did hear who drove after that!

 

On a personal level Mom was a good friend – she loved people - and loved them genuinely – so she seemed to always have not only lots of friends – but many best friends – these of course changed in emphasis depending on where they lived – but these relationships stayed solid despite the miles…

 

Eddy was a dedicated but perhaps an old fashioned wife. She allowed and encouraged both Bob and John to take the lead – and take lead they did – they led her to Calgary, Whitehorse, Edmonton, Olds, Lloydminster, Arizona, Asia, San Diego, Texas and back in the plane, back to Edmonton, St Albert, back to Lloydminster back on the bus, …. Ponoka, back to Lloydminster – and finally to Kelowna…

 

And of course she was a Mother, a grand mother, great grand mother … but I can hardly be objective here – – she was the best mother I ever had.

 

She was the glue that kept our family close – particularly after Dad passed – always reaching out to all of us, drawing us out of ourselves, and into the family. She disliked conflict and always tried to mediate and bring us together. We gave her many, many reasons, to turn her back on us but she never let us think, even for a moment, that we didn’t belong.  

 

Karen, her eldest daughter, reminded me that many times mom had to come and bring her home when her life got too rocky – but when Karen’s husband, Smokey, wanted to take her 2000 miles away to Ontario Mom told him – “that is too far! How will I come to get her?” But Smokey said “you won’t have to” – and that became their little joke for the past 30 years!

 

Rachel, my daughter, remembers Mom keeping her up way past bed time when she was only 4 – just to look at the pretty dresses while watching Gone with the Wind – her all time, favorite movie.

 

She loved a good laugh - or giggle - that so many comment on. Rob, her eldest grandson, remembers the time he and his wife tried to grow vegetables in their backyard and it was a big failure –  they came home one day to find grandma in their garden, burying vegetables from the supermarket in the ground as a joke.

 

After my wife was rejected by her own mother and family, Mom stepped in to become her surrogate mother – with the same unconditional love she showed us. She became a friend and confidant to the very end.

 

 

You know - If I had experienced what Eddy experienced as a child and young woman, I believe I would have become bitter and cynical. Yet I don’t remember those characteristics being part of her at all.

 

She loved people – and genuinely loved them – looking for the best in them rather than failings. When she asked you how you were doing, she really wanted to know. She cried with those who cried, and mourned with those who mourned, …. But also laughed along with those who were enjoying themselves – she loved to socialize, and dance and be part of the fun.

 

She didn’t judge outward appearances – or even life style choices… Over the years her kids and grandkids dragged in all manner of friends in all kinds of life situations …., and I don’t ever remember her looking down her nose at them. She welcomed them, and as some of them became parts of our family, she loved them no matter who they were or what their background was.

 

Often she said she looked at life through rose colored glasses. I really don’t think she was being naïve – it was a conscious decision. She just loved and was blind to the things that just didn’t matter.

 

And she wasn’t weak. I remember after I left home to live with some friends when I was 17, she came around to our apartment – saw the evidence of sin and stupidity in collision… She told me “get your things I am taking you home” And boy I did what I was told!!

 

I will always remember her and John’s courtship…. She just turned into a 16 year old again – giggling, blushing, smiling ALL the time, insisting they were just friends with a twinkle in her eye, … One time before they were married, John and she had come to visit in San Diego, and because of the distance they had to stay in hotels en route. So they had just arrived to our place and with a very serious face announced to us all “you know we had separate rooms”.  As if we had any doubt! Once a Baptist, always a Baptist!

 

And speaking of religion, Mom loved Jesus. But she didn’t announce it from the street corner, nor hit people over the head with it. Her “preaching” was quiet – showing love, forgiveness and acceptance. When I first became a Christian I thought that I could sure teach her (her and everyone else!) a thing or 2 about what the bible had to say.  But now as I reflect I realize that her life was a text book of many of the qualities that the bible emphasizes.

 

She didn’t want to leave John and all of us as she worried who would worry in her place? But as it became obvious that she wouldn’t be going home with John she was comforted by thoughts of her new home, her eternal home – where there are no tears, no conflicts to referee, no need to worry, no difficulty breathing, no weariness, no aches, no pains … I believe she was greeted at heaven’s door with the words – “Well done, good and faithful servant - Enter into my rest”

Edna "Eddy" Hayes-Skene passed away in Kelowna, British Columbia on Tuesday, July 18, 2017 at the age of 88 years.

The memorial service for Eddy will be conducted from the Grace United Church, Lloydminster, Alberta on Thursday, July 27, 2017 at 2:00 PM,  A lunch will immediately follow the service at the Grace United Church Hall.

Donations in memory of Eddy may be made to Charity of Choice.

Eddy's memorial card can be viewed or downloaded from the link below.

https://indd.adobe.com/view/74e1f1da-709b-4e64-8198-6f8d95cb9c65